Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in smacksaw's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, July 9th, 2009
4:03 am	More boonies exploration Since I've had to be in Maple Ridge as of late, I tried to explore the diagonal opposite boonies, White Rock and South Surrey. Again, I can't imagine how people would pay so much to live so far away. No doubt, the area is beautiful. But it's too far out. I think I found some good places to go photograph, however. We'll see. The deal for the Dodge is on the precipice. Gen really laid down the law. There's four forces at work. Me, willing to deal. The dealer, wanting to sell. Gen, not wanting to deal unless she gets certain concessions. The dealer, possibly able to make concessions to save the deal or we're so far apart we'll scrap the deal. Gen could care less if we get the car. She hates Chrysler that much. The dealership does want to make a deal, but I don't think they're interested in making a bad one. I'm willing to make the deal if it's right, but I won't be sad if we don't. I think they will get something done, though I'm not sure. I'm more philosophical about this - if it gets done, it gets done. If not, it's not meant to be. Considering our 2004 Dodge Ram and our 2006 Jeep Liberty both had problems with dying in the middle of driving at high speeds and we've spent THOUSANDS of dollars out of pocket on rental cars while the problems didn't get fixed, I can see Gen's reticence to get anything Chrysler ever again. Between the Jeep and the Dodge, we've probably had them both in the shop 40 times. It's not the dealership's fault, they didn't design or break those cars. They didn't even sell them to us. But Gen is adamant that we have a 5-year warranty since we have a 5-year loan, but she is not impressed with the $2300 price tag for the warranty. I'm not sure the dealer can eat a portion of our negative equity on the Jeep AND the warranty. Personally, I hope they get something done. I guess it comes down to how much the warranty actually costs. I guess we'll see what happens. They didn't call me today to give me an update, so at least I know they're trying. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, July 7th, 2009
3:54 am	Jeep Well, I have a deal in principle to jettison the Jeep. I really detest Chrysler and do not want another one, but they have the ability to bury $7600 in negative equity in the piece of shit, whereas that's a tall order for a regular retail finance auto loan. I've had to drive to Maple Ridge a few times now since I'm getting it there. I've only been to Maple Ridge a handful of times and am surprised I know my way around that place. I could not imagine living there and working in say...Richmond. It's pretty out there but it's truly the boonies. They've put in this new Golden Ears toll bridge which is way overdue, except that it's a toll bridge. I'd prefer it be free, but what are you gonna do? It's funny, you can move out there to save a few bucks, but they'll get you in the end with a toll bridge. Can't win for losing. Anyway, it's a really nice looking suspension bridge. If there was a place to stop I'd get photos, but there isn't. Also, with all of the Draconian bullshit these days, you're asking for the cops to fuck with you if you take pictures of anything that Big Brother doesn't allow. I dunno. All I know is that I'm getting another Chrysler product unless we eject at the last moment and the new bridge is cool, but I am already sick of driving to Maple Ridge. Actually, let me edit this. It's a suspension bridge, but it's extradosed. It's the same as the one for the Skytrain that goes to Richmond. They are very nice looking bridges. It's free until the 16th, so take a trip and check it out for yourself. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 1st, 2009
12:36 pm	Sly guys Some of these guys at the border think they're pretty smart detectives and that they are going to catch you in some sort of trip up by asking you questions to things that look suspicious on the surface. Today went like this: Him: Where is home for you? Me: Longueuil, Quebec. Him: Where are you going? Me: Birch Bay. I am packing the house up over the next month to move everything. Him: What do you do for work? Me: I am a stay at home father. Him: Who works? Me: My wife works. Him (slowing gaining momentum): Then who is taking care of your kids if your wife works and you're out here? Me: My two teenaged kids are taking care of the younger kids. Then he proceeds to look at me for about 2 seconds, looks at my passport (to determine my DOB), does the math in his head, looks at my face a little more closely and says "you can go." Yes, I have teenage children. Thank you. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 30th, 2009
4:28 pm	ARE THERE NO RED BLOODED MALES LEFT??? Man...a room full of men blew it. Being married, I have an excuse. Yeah! I'm at the dealership today and this STUNNING East Indian girl comes in. She was just smoking hot. She says to all that her car has died and she needs jumper cables. Right there, I would have helped. But I can't manoeuvre my Jeep as I am towing a trailer. She was in an alleyway. But here is what someone should have done (she had to beg the dealership for help). "Yes, I can help you." You get her car started and say "This might happen again. You should call me if you need a jump. Your car might break down. In fact, if you wanted to go to a movie and it broke down at home, I could just drive you. In fact, now that I think about it, you should call me no matter what. This car thing could drag on for some time." Or something to that effect. I didn't see a ring on her finger. I don't get men. They'll go to a strip club and blow $500 on virtually nothing, yet for free any of them could have been a hero to this girl. You don't often get an "in" with a girl like that. Men are stupid. (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 29th, 2009
11:50 pm	Cleaning and moving, moving and cleaning Man, there's a like whole army of Chinese people who patrol Marpole for stuff. I'd bring things out of apartment and place them near the refuse bins, and by the time I came out again, some Chinese person was there examining and taking it. I should have just written "open house" in Cantonese and I'd be done already. It was never the same people twice, either. In the back of my mind, I wonder if these are people who are here illegally, trying to scrape by...or are they from a hard upbringing and used to scavenging or maybe both. It's interesting to think about. Now I have to unload the Jeep, drive back up and pack some more. Then I have to go back to WA, catch about 2-3 hours sleep and go back and finish closing down the place. I'm looking forward to when I can take a break. After I'm done I still have to pay the dentist and BC Hydro - we're in collections because we forwarded the mail and didn't get it. Wonderful. That's a pisser. So after I get moved out I have to go settle bills. w00t! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 28th, 2009
11:38 pm	HI SMACKSAW HERE WITH SOME AIR TRAVEL TIPS Maybe I have some inside info because my parents were both airline flight crew, but this Billy Mays death does come with a lesson. As you all may (or may not) know, for awhile there I was a bit of an air warrior, traveling for work. You can always tell the seasoned traveler from the infrequent traveler. Where to put luggage, when to use approved portable electronic devices, so on and so forth. But the more subtle difference is the frequent traveler who has had a near-miss with danger vs one who has not. Billy Mays, I would wager, was not one who ever had a close call. A few flights ago I was talking with the crew aboard the plane about the seatbelt sign. There was a person who kept ignoring it. In defence, when you gotta go, you gotta go. The reality is that when the seat belt sign is on, sit your ass down. And when you are sitting down, put on your seat belt. The sign being off doesn't mean to take the belt off, it means you can go pee. Do not mill around the cabin like a wannabe terrorist. Do your business and get back to your seat. Also, a friendly tip - when you are not using the toilet, close the lid. If there's turbulence and you fall, do you want to fall in the toilet? Do you want things from the toilet splashing up on you? No. Also, if you open the lavatory door before you flush it, you don't get depressurised. When I take off and land, I take a deep breath and pull my seat belt as tight as possible - and then yank it as hard as I can. When the US Airways flight had the tire blowout yesterday, I thought about my conversation with the flight crew and how we all agreed that you need your seat belt as tight as you can get it. You never know what can happen on a landing or even during taxi to the jetway. Enter Billy Mays. During the blowout, something happened and he hit his head. Which led to his death. I'm curious to see what happened to poor Billy. Did he have his seat raised to the full, upright position? Was he leaning back into the headrest? Was his seat belt tightened? What hit his head? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 10th, 2009
12:45 am	Trip day #1 Maple Ridge caught fire for me: http://www.bclocalnews.com/news/47371342.html I have video I will upload later. Moral of that story: Never buy a Pontiac, especially a Grand Am, ESPECIALLY a gold one. The Mazda is having problems. Why? Because their smartass technicians think they are smarter than I am. I told those fucknuts it was the alternator. They scammed Gen into buying a new battery because she is a woman and treated her like a moron and scared her. If the Mazda won't start tomorrow, I am going to threaten to sue the dealer if they don't compensate me for trip interruption. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 9th, 2009
1:12 am	Ah life how you mock me... I was at my Vancouver apartment earlier today and it was fine... Actually, let me back it up. K...I live in Marpole. We are conveniently located between Oak St, Granville St, 70th and just a hop, skip and a jump away from Richmond via the Oak St or Arthur Laing bridge. Very soon we will even be a scant 5 blocks from the new Skytrain on Cambie. In Marpole there are two types of residences: Million-dollar+++, tiny-ass homes and REALLY old 3-story apartments. While I wish I lived in one of those super-pricey homes, I actually live in one of the apartments. Marpole is one of the biggest tradeoffs in the entire region because there are huge pluses and minuses. First, we all know that transit in BC pretty much sucks...except in Marpole, where it is fucking great. We have the Marpole loop, easy ways to get to the 17 or the 98 B-Line, it's a short and quick bus ride to the airport, we're 5 minutes by car to anywhere in Richmond, 15 minutes to downtown or Burnaby, 25-30 to the border, so on and so forth. We kick ourselves for not moving here sooner. Also, because the apartments are old, people were not as concerned over space and thus they are huge. Anything since the 90's is around 400-500 sq ft for a 0/1 BR apartment. I remember being told ours here in Marpole was 780 sq ft. I'm not sure if it's quite that big, but it's way bigger than our last place, which was 500 sq ft. I guess it's about half the size of the house in Birch Bay, which is 1560 sq ft. The point is that if you want a huge apartment and not have to live in a suite in someone's house, Marpole has those kinds of places. Onto the bad. We've been robbed and attempted to be robbed. Because we're close to everything, there's a lot of foot traffic. And the fact I split time between Canada and the US means my neighbours knew I was gone for a few days at a time. When we got robbed, I was sure it was a neighbour who told the robbers we were gone. Since things are old, shit is often broken or breaking. We just tolerate it. For $700/mo in Vancouver, there's a point where you don't have much of a right complaining too loudly. So yes, there are annoyances like our bathroom that is never fixed, but whatever. It comes with the territory. Even being broken into, I can rationalise that to a point. We're on the ground floor and near a street. The sliding glass door was busted, someone saw their opportunity and took it. Of course we drilled a ton of metal screws into the door and you can't even open it now...which leads to a problem in my story. And I'm getting there. I was gone for only a few hours, but when I got home I saw nothing as I entered. I thought "shit"...I got robbed just days before moving out of here for good? Seriously? I was even thinking to myself on the drive up "don't let anything bad happen God, you already screwed me with the Jeep being broken into when I got kicked out of Canada for a year for being an illegal"...yes, the day I was to leave Canada, some dickhead broke into my Jeep and robbed it. Enjoy your CD-Rs of The Cure, asshole. Turns out it wasn't the area this time, it was the age. I walk in, take off my shoes and notice my carpet is ripped. I was thinking...ok, thieves looking for buried treasure? Don't laugh, stranger things have happened in the search for weed in this province, BELIEVE ME. When we got robbed, the place smelled like pot. They way they ransacked it, they were looking for weed and drugs. I call Gen and she gives me the landlord's phone. I call her and find out that the sewage pipe broke in the next unit. I'm walking around barefoot in mine. The patio door is drilled shut. I have God knows what on my feet and the place smells. I'm supposed to be leaving for a 5-day drive in less than 8 hours. I don't want to start any Blasphemous Rumours, but I think that God's got a sick sense of humour and when I die, I expect to find him...laughing So that's my evening. I was trying to make it to Montreal as fast as I can, but fuck it now. The landlord moved all of my shit. I can't even get to my bed. I had all of this stuff staged and ready to go for the trip tomorrow. I was going to load it up quickly, but now I can't. I'm just going to take my time. Was it still worth it to live in Marpole? Yes, I think so. But I'm not surprised. Old buildings break down. That's why you get the cheap rent and the big floor space, close to everything. What sucks is that had a few things turned out differently, I would have been moved out of here already, rendering this entire ordeal a moot point. (Comment on this)
Friday, June 5th, 2009
1:33 am	Drums It seems as if every time I move, I do all the moving. Perhaps it's the whole "shit rolls downhill" thing or that I seem to the "here" where the "buck stops", but I am moving 2 houses this time and it's pretty rough, especially when there are two members of my family sitting around on their asses while I am working...and when they do help they do more harm than good. I'd be better off getting rid of them and just being here alone to do it. Anyway, there's a point. I had to go do some banking garbage today in Bellingham and I was listening to Alt Nation on Sirius and the new-ish Silversun Pickups song came on, Panic Switch. I was getting a little bored with it so I switched to Boneyard and Rush's Distant Early Warning came on when the juxtaposition of the two songs led to an interesting personal preference. I couldn't finish Panic Switch because the drumming bores the living fuck out of me. If you've ever known anyone in a rock band, the oft-heard phrase of "we can get another drummer" is basically a commentary on the fact that there's a handful of rock beats and just about any retarded monkey could play them. You then have Rush on the other hand. Lots of people detest progressive rock, and frankly I don't blame them. It's too difficult to listen to, too far out there. That said, I've always loved Neil Peart's drumming. He is the opposite of the stereotypical rock drummer in that he plays along in an orchestrated fashion as a lead instrument more than just a backing instrument. Don't get me wrong about Silversun Pickups. I appreciate the low-fi take on shoegaze. The problem is that it's easy to get bored. And don't get me wrong about Rush, either. I love Rush, but it's not like they're easily accessible. Listening to Rush requires effort or even tolerance. I think the key is somewhere in the middle where you have pop rock that's a bit low-fi, but has orchestrated drumming. And as I thought about it, I could not come up with ANY act that had a prog rock drummer that was not a prog rock band. Then I wondered if having a prog rock drummer is what defines a band as prog rock or not. And it's a pretty interesting question. It might be the case. For all of the music I know I can't think of a rock band that meets the criteria of having a prog rock drummer and not being a prog rock band. The only things I can think of are like alternative bands with a reggae drummer becoming ska - things like that. Something to ponder... (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009
12:46 pm	Quick note I have convinced Shingen that his sandwiches make beeping noises when he isn't eating them with enough care and attention. That is all. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
1:31 am	Shingen has a fever Jungle Fever. Said by Shingen today about black/Haitian women: "I like brown girls. I want to have two at the same time." Alright. Dream big! LOL? In Vancouver, there were not a lot of "brown girls" as he puts it. In Montreal there are, and frankly most of them are pretty hot. He's noticed. What a sharp boy. Next thing you know, he's going to ask us to move to N.D.G. (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 1st, 2009
4:22 am	To post something... Well, I've been tremendously busy between Montreal/NY/VT and Vancouver/WA trying to find places to live. Being in NY and VT I have had the occasion to do some grocery shopping and noticed what a huge difference it is in price between here and Bellingham/Whatcom county. We really are getting fucked in Washington. But that's not even the worst of it. The biggest disparity is between Montreal and Vancouver. At first, I was amused. But then it starts to irritate you, how badly people in BC are fucking each other/getting fucked over money. There is no reason why the same products at the same goddamned chain stores should cost HALF as much in Montreal. We were shopping today and kept finding things that were literally HALF OR MORE of the price here as they are in BC. Gen actually volunteered to me and said "I thought it was funny how the prices were different, but now it just makes me mad" and I told her I have been feeling the same sort of bewildered anger. People here take it for granted. Her family and some friends always thought we were crazy for eating out all the time in BC. The problem is they cannot conceive of prices that are so inflated and different than what they are used to seeing. For an example: Gen loves pate Chinois - Shepherd's Pie. If we're lucky, we can get a 350g portion at Superstore for $3-4. At Super C today they had 8 pounds of it, a whopping 1.81 kg double serving for $10 AND IT WAS BETTER. No fake ingredients. An ingredient list of about 9 things. For $5, one package is 4 pounds, enough to feed a family for dinner and leftovers. You can't even BUY the uncooked ground beef for $1.25/lb. When you think about it, that adds up. We saw pickled white aspargus that is $9 USD at Haggen in WA for $2.99 CAD. The Driscoll's berries that are $2 USD on MEGA SALE in WA were 3 for $5 CAD. US grown bi-colour corn was 3/$1 CAD. And NY and VT are exactly the same. Cheap as hell. I don't get it. It's like on the west coast, we're subsidising the profit margins for the east. The killer for me was going to Wal-Mart in Plattsburgh and seeing a dozen eggs for $0.83 when they're $1.80 in Bellingham. It's just fucking ridiculous. I love BC and I plan to make it my home, but it would be cheaper to FedEx food from the east coast to myself than to buy locally and that is plain fucked up. (31 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 19th, 2009
5:59 am	If only Madonna were not in it... The three musicians I have a crush on are Faye Wong, Selina Ren of S.H.E and Mylene Farmer. I just learned something interesting about a potential connection between two of them. The amazing Luc Besson did a film called Arthur et les Minimoys (Arthur and the Invisibles) that I've yet to see. It's notable because it was a cautious re-entry for Mylene Farmer into film again after her disastrous first attempt. She did the voice of Princess Selenia. In the US/English version it was done by Madonna. Pretty good company for Ms Farmer, I suppose, though I don't find any honour in Madonna doing anything. As a side note, I felt really bad for ABBA when she asked to sample their work AND FUCKING BUTCHERED IT. And as usual, I digress and return to the point, which is this: In the Mandarin (Taiwanese) version of the film, the three girls from S.H.E did voices for the film. And who did Princess Selenia? The closely-named Selina Ren. The sad thing is that there's not much cross-cultural appeal for any of these artists to actually work together. I could maybe see Faye Wong and Mylene Farmer, but it would be lost on everyone in France and everyone in Asia. No one in the French-speaking world listens to Faye Wong. No one outside of Asia even knows who she is. The same goes in the inverse for Mylene Farmer. She gets stalked in Europe and had threats to her life there, yet in Los Angeles she tools around in complete anonymity. Asia would be even more so. Musically I could envision them having a compatible style, but Mylene's music and style is FAR too immodest for Faye Wong and Chinese audiences. I don't think you'd ever see Faye and S.H.E together, though they have covered her songs. Anyway, I guess this is as close as I'll get to France meeting China - having two artists I admire do the same voice in a CG film. ps Madonna is embarassing Actually, I'll add this: I feel bad for Debby Harry/Blondie. The last thing you want is for someone to cover your song and show you up. Not that she is a good singer, but Faye Wong has 10x the range she does. In fact, I remember a few years back when everyone was going nuts over Diana Krall's cover of the old standard "Look of Love", but again Faye just owns that song: (Comment on this)
5:23 am	Soooooooooooooooooooooo busy Well, Gen has a line on a few apartments in Montreal and it looks like a 3-month rental will be alright - sort of. Law says if you give 3 months notice that you get to break your lease. All I know is that it looks likely we'll be there for at least that long, maybe longer. I was looking on Zillow today and prices have really come down around here. It will make selling the house and the property really suck. But if the market stays depressed there's a chance to score something. We're really waiting to see what happens in Vancouver after the Olympics. All signs point to a complete and utter meltdown, especially in the condo market. So many speculators are sitting on condos that there is not demand for. It might push down the entire market. Even if we stayed in Montreal until 2010, I think we'd still like to think about a condo in Vancouver. Mo and Elise are going to stay out there no matter what. After high school they're going to CEGEP and then Concordia or McGill. You can't beat the price of education in Quebec and it's first-rate. I get the feeling that I'll probably end up between Vancouver and Montreal for at least the next few years. The strangest thing is that the job market in Vancouver is so bad compared to Montreal. There's more jobs in MTL than 604 and the pay is better...while the cost of living is cheaper? Something has to give. I don't know how people can get a job that grosses $600 a week and live in a place like Vancouver where you're paying that much a month just for rent. After taxes and all of your expenses, you're pretty much on the edge. There's something terribly wrong with the price of everything out here. I want to wait it out elsewhere until it gets fixed. Anyway, I'm going to rent a place in Longueuil and look for something on the South Shore to buy. It's so stark in comparison to here. This house is $250k USD and it's spartan. Just a basic row home. For $150k CAD in Montreal you can get something that is really well-made with very nice craftsmanship. I mean, Montreal has always been cheap and prices have certainly gone way up in the past 7 years but it's still reasonable. I compare areas with my own little formula of affordability, where I figure in what the price of a house is vs what the rents are in the area. If you can buy a house and then rent it out for a profit, that's a good place to live. If you break even...maybe. But if you can't recoup your mortgage+taxes+dues+whatever from renting, it's probably high. And whatever that price is, if people with a decent 30-40k/yr job can't swing it easily and only longtime owners can afford it, there's a problem. In Vancouver and Whatcom county that formula gets busted into tiny pieces. But even with just a lame job as shift leader at a fast-food place you can afford a home in Montreal and still plan for Freedom 55 ^^ Montreal didn't come down to a "yes" as much as a "how can we say no" sort of thing. A house in Vancouver with enough bedrooms for a large family is over $1mil CAD or you have to live in BFE. I don't know. I just see this whole area taking a very drastic and painful market correction. No takers on the vacant land and I need to get the house listed YESTERDAY. (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 14th, 2009
9:32 pm	Update Very busy. Good and interesting news. Gen is pregnant, it's a boy and he's due August 28th. My record of 4 boys to 1 girl means that I am a god in China (and anywhere else that is crazy for male births). Just got back from Montreal. Looks like we'll be going there/NY/VT and splitting time between there and WA/Vancouver. More details when I have a computer that doesn't have a broken keyboard. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, May 11th, 2009
1:42 am	Cheese upon cheese upon cheese... Q: How do you know you've really missed poutine? A: After a 6-year absence from Quebec, you eat it three times in one day. I think I'm going to have to buy bigger pants if I don't leave soon. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 6th, 2009
2:08 am	Wow Here's a milestone for the record books. Mr Cranky McBedtime himself, Shingen, actually put himself to bed tonight. He went into a dark room with no lights on and his blanket and just went to sleep. I don't wanna jinx it if this is just a one-time thing. But at least it happened once. That's kids for ya...they do something, you think "alright" and they stop doing it for a long time. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 5th, 2009
11:49 am	Boys will be vulgar boys Don't blame us, it's genetic. Let's begin with the reminder that Yoshi is 11 days from being 13 months. Yoshi and Shingen were with me in the bed this morning as Gen has a bunch of work-related stuff to do (they go nuts when she is not around). We were all sorta just sitting there, watching baseball. I needed to fart, so I did and a really loud one trumpeted out. Yoshi busts out in laughter. Funniest thing ever, at least in awhile. He's sitting there clapping like made and laughing, and then trying to hug me. For farting. Shingen is laughing at this nervously like "Dude, it's just a loud fart, it's not that funny." Of course you doubt a little that he's laughing at the fart, like it's just the noise. That he doesn't understand bodily functions. By now you know that is not the case, as my recurring theme is "babies are smarter than you think" and that I have some sort of interesting anecdote to prove it. And you're right, I do. Yoshi sucks on a bottle at night, even while empty, so that all he is sucking down is air. He takes his bottle and sucks on it. About 2 minutes later, he stands up, turns towards me and burps loudly. He starts clapping and doing the "Maniac" video...you know, Flashdance? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppxsWLXVs3E - 23 seconds in if you can't recall the move. But he pumps his legs and claps when he's excited. Even Shingen started laughing there. He looked at me like "wow" and "that was strange." I think he thought I burped, but regardless, he saw my vulgar male noisemaking and raised me. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
1:22 am	LDS lawyers, psychologists had a hand in torture policies - "Although the decisions which put us in the grim business of torture, body-snatching, extraordinary renditions, making people disappear, indefinite confinement without charges and warrantless wiretapping were made by the president and vice president, members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints served as helpful enablers" -SL Trib read more | digg story My comments: That will really help their missions abroad to convert people. *Knocking sound Occupant: Yes, may I help you? Boy with short-sleeved shirt and tie #1: Hello, we're here to tell you about the second coming of Jesus Christ. Boy with short-sleeved shirt and tie #2: Can we come in and talk? O: Umm, aren't you guys LDS? B#1: Yes, and we're here to bring good news! O: Err... B#2: What have you heard, let me set the record straight. O: http://www.sltrib.com/ci_12256286?source=most_view ... B#1: Can we come in and talk about Jesus? O: Sorry, I don't want you guys to tie me up and torture me. You outnumber me 2 to 1 and those short-sleeves tell me you're ready to get to work. I've read your church's legal rendition of torture and I am not letting you in. Besides, I'm gay. *Slams door B#2: Well, at least he didn't shoot at us and call the police saying we were kidnappers like the Muslim family did yesterday. B#1: First the gay marriage thing and now this torture thing. I think the Church is trying to make everyone hate us and get us killed. B#2: Screw the mission to add to the Church's ranks. Let's just go home to our girlfriends, get married and each have 12 children. B#1: I can't. B#2: Why? B#1: Because I love you. *Passionate kiss ensues B#1: I didn't know I was gay until the church sent us off to live together, alone for a year. B#2: I think they want us to be gay. I mean, why else would they send a bunch of boys out, alone, in pairs to a foreign country where they can't monitor our activities? B#1: Oh hold me, Brighamdiah! B#2: Better yet, let's go back and tie up the guy gay and do S&M on him! And that, my friends is where they get their ideas on how to conceive of torture policies. From their fruity, teenaged, all-male vacations abroad. There's nothing more gay than pairs of boys riding around on bikes, and living together without women in a foreign place. (Comment on this)
Monday, May 4th, 2009
12:03 am	My compendium of twitter genius 07:56 Whenever I see Christina Ricci now, she just weirds me out. She lost way too much weight and took off way too much via breast reduction. # Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter (Comment on this)